Checkpoint — featured in Badassery Magazine 2018
Hey guys,
I have to say that things are looking much brighter these days. The duality of our world can be good if we look at them as whole and not two separate things. The bad is evened out with the good if you allow it and believe in your own power and divinity. I have had a rough time, but with a little effort, learning, reading, self-care and meditation (okay…a lot) things are definitely looking up. Do I have a partner? Nah. Did my husband and I reconcile…FUCK NO! Did I get a big raise or a fancy car or some other material bullshit, no! Yet, I am more whole and fulfilled than ever. If there is one thing I know now, it is that there is no short cut to feeling whole and worthy. Especially after a loss that seems life ending, but these are the times we have the chance to find ourselves again and rise up to be stronger than ever.
When husband and I split, I wanted to end it all. After being betrayed by the one person with whom I thought I would live out my years, followed by a bunch of mind fuckery and a string of sexual and emotional encounters that seemed less than savory; I was struggling to find worthiness and validation within myself. Like so many of us, I couldn’t express the love and compassion I had for everyone else in my life to the person who needed my love the most…me! This has been a long road littered with hidden gifts along the way. Every day has become a little brighter, clearer, and more purposeful. With the help of my favorite spiritual badasses like Wayne Dyer, Rebecca Campbell, and Gabrielle Bernstein, I have found a place within myself to live and thrive; learning to live with only my own validation for myself and taking all the outward compliments and insults with a grain of salt.
Like any human who struggles to keep the ego at bay, I will still fall back, more often than I’d like to admit, to wallow in the cozy warmth of my own self-doubt. Whether it’s after a rejection from a potential partner, a nasty comment about the skin bag that my soul inhabits, a new picture of my ex with his girlfriend; but now I see the futility of these actions. I realize this is the human experience and I trust that these things that happen are things that will lead me and guide me to my higher, unbreakable self. I mean, I would have never started singing with a band if I was always worried about how to save my husband from the grips of addiction. I wouldn’t be writing or playing music or reading or finding my path to enlightenment if I didn’t allow myself to break, die a little, and be reborn on my terms. I am actually grateful to my husband for fucking me over and being a huge piece of shit…crap, maybe I’m still a little mad, lol, but I realize that I would have never moved without him pushing me away. I would have used him as an excuse for my perpetual procrastination forever. That is not the person I want to be, nor is it the person I am meant to be. Not to mention that all of these ridiculous sexual encounters are hilarious and extremely entertaining stories.
Hopefully my words don’t lead anyone to the conclusion that I am any different, or more or less special than anyone else. I am you and you are me. We are all in this together, and the sooner we spread this message the better. We are one now, let’s get shit done!
-xoxo
Trust in your own greatness. You are not this body you occupy, which is temporary and on its way back to the nowhere from which it came. You are pure greatness … precisely the very same greatness that creates all of life. Keep this thought uppermost in your mind and you’ll attract to yourself these same powers of creation: The right people will appear. The exact events that you desire will transpire. The financing will show up. That’s because greatness attracts more of its own self to itself, just as thoughts of inadequacy act upon a belief that ensures that deficiency will become your reality. Affirm the following to yourself over and over until it becomes your automatic inner response to the world: I come from greatness. I attract greatness. I am greatness”
-Dr. Wayne Dyer, Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life
